Can't Go Back Now
by spobyaddict
Summary: Spencer and Toby barely knew each other. He was married to Spencer's best friend- that was it. But with Marie dead and Spencer's marriage broken beyond repair, will true love really conquer all? Or will their baggage weigh them down to the point of no return? Based on the song of the same title by The Weepies. Spoby.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, this is my new story! I hope you guys like it! If you have any questions/comments/suggestioms, feel free to review or PM me and I'll get back to you ASAP! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1: Everything Will Break**

"So what are you saying?"

"I want the truth. Have you been cheating on me?"

"Spencer-"

"I don't care! HAVE you been CHEATING on me?"

"Yes, but it's not what you think, I swear it, it just happened and then-"

"Wren, how could you do this to me? To us?" Spencer asked, furiously wiping at the tears flowing freely from her eyes.

"Spencer, I'm sorry, okay?" Wren pleaded, his brown eyes almost making her succumb to his advances and forget everything she had just heard. But she was a Hastings, and Hastings were stronger than that.

"No, Wren, it's not okay! You cheated on me! You've been cheating on me for a while now! I thought that I meant something to you!" Done with trying to hide her emotions, the teary-eyed brunette delivered a painful slap to the side of his face before storming out of the small room inside the restaurant where their close-knit group of friends and significant others had been celebrating Hanna's 26th birthday- up until Aria had spilled the heartbreaking beans.

* * *

_"What do you mean, Wren's cheating on me? That's impossible! He was the one person that was always there for me, and this ring proves that he always will be!" Spencer exclaiming, waving her flashy wedding and engagement rings around Aria's face wildly._

_"Spencer, I'm telling you, Ezra's friend Jackie from Hollis talks about him all the time!" Aria stated, trying to stay calm while still getting her point across._

_"Aria, they're probably just friends! He never talks about anyone named Jackie!"_

_"Well, that's oddly convenient, because he never mentions YOU either!" Aria shouted, a hand flying to her mouth at her sudden outburst. Dragging Aria into the restroom and locking them into a stall, Spencer began with her infamous Hastings glare._

_"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" The taller brunette hissed, her eyes blazing with a fire that hadn't been there in years._

_"It MEANS that when I mentioned you to Jackie, she didn't recognize the name. Or the picture."_

_"So what? Maybe she and Wren don't talk about that stuff! Maybe they just talk about TV shows, or something like that!"_

_"Spence, she didn't know he was married! How do you explain that? She said he never wore a ring around her. Then she starting bawling when I told her that you two had been married for almost three years. BAWLING."_

_"Look, I'm going to go find Wren and confront him. If he HAS been cheating, I think he respects me enough to be honest about it."_

_"Spencer, what if he says no? What if he lies to you?"_

_"He's my husband… And until I see or hear proof from him, it's my duty not to doubt him. To trust him. Whether you like it or not."_

* * *

Wiping away her remaining tears- and pride- Spencer quickly walked over to their table and pulled one of her best friends aside.

"Hey, Marie? Could you… Could you possibly give me a ride home?" She sniffled. Marie was one of her best friends that she, Aria, Hanna, and Emily had met while attending Stanford. The girls had decided that going separate ways was out of the question, especially since they had all gotten scholarships there.

They had met Marie fairly early on during the second semester and she was quickly accepted into the group. Though in no way was Marie another Alison, she had also been cyberbullied and knew a little bit of the pain that the group had experienced. After all, she was the only one outside of the four girls and their significant others that knew the entire story about -A, and all the terror that surrounded that one letter.

The letter that changed everything.

"Sure, Spence! What's wrong? Did something happen? Did your dad have another heart attack?" The normally-perky brunette's face fell at the sight of her tear-stained friend's.

"I don't want to talk about it... At least right now. I just really need to go."

"Sure, of course. Just let me go find Toby and we'll be on our way out."

Marie had been dating Toby since they were 16, and he had moved out to California with her, working as a carpenter. From what little information Spencer had gathered about him over the course of their acquaintanceship, he had dropped out of high school, gotten his G.E.D., and went straight to work on starting a business. Although he was still relying on picking up odd jobs, he worked part-time for a fairly solid company and made a decent amount of money.

The two had gotten married when they were 20, but they were happy. It was obvious to anyone around them that the two had something REALLY special. The wedding had been small, but beautiful. Although, on the Getting-Married-in-College-on-a-Budget Scale, it was probably comparable to getting married on top of the Eiffel Tower.

"Tobes! We need to go!" She called out, searching for the man she called her husband, who came running over dutifully.

"What's going on?" He asked, his blue eyes quickly assessing the situation.

"I just need to go home, it's really not that big of a deal," Spencer stated simply, turning on her heel and marching out of the restaurant, leaving the Cavanaughs very confused behind her.

* * *

"Spence, are you SURE that you don't want me to stay over? Or stay with us? I know that you and Wren are fairly well off, but a hotel really isn't necessary when you've got everyone willing to take you in for as long as necessary." Marie suggested hesitantly, placing a supportive hand on Spencer's knee as she unbuckled her seatbelt as to face her more clearly. "I don't know what happened between you and Wren, and I know that you don't want me to and will most likely end up telling me on my deathbed. However, we are all rooting for you."

"Thanks, Mar, it means more than you'll ever know. I couldn't intrude on you guys though-" but Toby cut her off, speaking for the first time since he had exited the party.

"You could never intrude on us. You know that you're welcome with us anytime! Don't be so stubborn."

"I'm NOT! I just need space to think, okay? And, as a matter of fact-" but something in the rearview mirror caught her eye. "What is that guy DOING?" A bright red pickup about five yards behind them was obviously driving under the influence. The vehicle was swerving so badly that almost every other car around them had pulled over as to avoid an accident. Spencer could've sworn she smelled alcohol coming from the exhaust pipe.

Turning back around in her seat, Marie tried to remain calm despite the unwelcome feeling invading the pit of her stomach. "What the hell? Toby, pull over. Whatever's going on, I don't like it! He's speeding up and I don't feel safe-"

"MARIE!" But it was too late, her head was through the windshield.

And everything went black.


	2. People Say Goodbye

**A/N that makes more sense after the chapter and the note at the bottom:**

**I like to thank my uncle's nurse, Tommy, for shaving his face and trimming his unibrow over the span of his 8-week coma. I'll never forget you and how you made our days there a little bit brighter.  
My thoughts go out to everyone else who has had a loved one hurt or lost overseas in the forces.**

**Chapter 2: People Say Goodbye**

Blurred voices filled the room, along with someone's muffled sobs. Struggling to open her heavy eyelids, Spencer fought to remember who they were. She placed Aria's voice immediately, guessing she was consoling the person sobbing somewhere nearby. But where was Marie? She was always the talker of her and Toby's relationship, he mainly listened. So where was she? Where was her voice?

Then, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

The accident.

She must be in the hospital. Was Marie there too? What about Toby? Were they okay? Spencer would never forgive herself if they were hurt worse than her. She could've DONE something. Deciding to rip off the bandage and discover the truth for herself, she used what little energy she had left and forced her eyelids open.

The light blinded her at first, but she quickly adjusted to the overly-white walls and sterile smell of the hospital. For the first time since she had awoken, she heard the steady beeping of the monitors. Chancing a quick glance at them, she was relieved to see that her vitals were all stable, if not absolutely healthy. Before she could investigate any further, a familiar voice snapped her out of her reverie.

"Spencer! You're awake! Thank God!" And, before she knew it, the other half of Team Sparia was at her side, giving her water and hugging her as tightly as she could while still being cautious. As if remembering their current predicament, the petite brunette quickly straightened herself out and her face turned to the stern look much like a mother interrogating her child. "How are you? And don't you DARE lie to me Spencer Hastings, I can see right through you! Especially when they have you on an array of pain medications and your brain isn't working at its usual Hastings level right now. So how are you? Do you remember anything? Do you know what happened? How are you?"

"Aria." Spencer stated sternly, smiling maternally at her overprotective friend.

"Yes?" She responded, stealthily gesturing for the other guests to leave the room behind her back.

"Breathe."

"Right, right. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yes! I remember being in an accident. That's it. Toby and Marie were driving me home, for some reason, which is weird. Where was Wren? Oh my God, is Wren okay?"

"Spence… Do you remember going to Hanna's party?"

"I remember arriving there, and going to the bathroom… With you! Why the hell were we fighting in a bathroom stall? That qualifies as WAY too close for comfort!"

"Now it's my turn. BREATHE, Spencer. This isn't good for you, especially in this situation. Wren is fine. He… He wasn't in the car with you guys."

"Why wasn't he in the car? And what do you mean, it isn't good for me? I'm fine!"

Deciding to avoid the topic of Wren for the time being, Aria opted to answer the second question instead. "Spence… A while ago, you overdosed on some pain medications."

"I'm sorry, I must've heard you wrong! I WHAT?" She nearly shouted, regretting the action almost immediately as she downed another cup of water.

"You had a kidney problem that they weren't aware of- that or it wasn't on your chart- and they pumped you full of medications faster than your kidneys could process them."

Deciding to make an entrance to hopefully ease Spencer's mind of this recent revelation, Hanna strutted into the room.

"It was horrifying, Spence. You looked like death!" She exclaimed, holding out one of the two coffees she was carrying with her out of Spencer's reach to give it to Aria.

"Hey! I need coffee! It's been forever since I've had one! Well… maybe… How long was I out for?"

Checking her watch, Aria realized she hadn't slept in well over 36 hours. "You've been out for about 19 hours. You would've woken up earlier had you not had a kidney problem."

"It was gross, Spence," Hanna interjected before anyone could stop her. "You were practically bathing in your own sweat! I didn't know anyone could sweat that much! And your vitals- whatever the hell those are- were apparently all off! I thought you were going to die!"

"Han, does she really need to know this right now?" Aria hissed.

"No, no, it's okay," Spencer insisted, trying to calm the waters.

"See! I told you!" Before either brunette could do anything to silence Hanna, a friendly-looking nurse walked in.

"Ah, so you're awake! I'm Tommy, and I've been taking care of you since you arrived. I'm also the reason that your eyebrows are plucked to perfection," he smiled, making the girls giggle at the memory of him tending to her facial needs.

"Well thank you… I think…" Spencer said, also giggling at the image forming in her head.

"Look ma'am, I'm truly sorry, but I'm going to need you to help me with something." Something in his tone told Spencer that it wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

As soon as they arrived in the morgue, Spencer's stomach dropped. Racking her brain for a perfectly logical reason for her to be down there, she came up with nothing. She had hoped that her high school morgue experience had been the last morgue experience she would have.

But, as always, the universe turned on her.

"I'm so sorry to put this all on you now, but we're going to need you to I.D. the body."

Looking at the corpse underneath the pale white sheet, Spencer could barely make out any of Marie's features- if it even was her.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell if this was her. It's too hard to determine…" she trailed off, wiping furiously at her tears.

"It's alright, calm down. Breathe, sweetheart. Did your friend have any unique markings? Tattoos, birthmarks, or something like that?" And suddenly, the lightbulb went off in Spencer's head.

"She had a tattoo on her shoulder of a child-"

"Reaching for some balloons." The pathologist answered for her, causing her to let out a dry sob.

"Why couldn't Toby I.D. her? She's his wife!" Spencer demanded through her tears, angry that she had to be the one to confirm her best friend's death.

"Mr. Cavanaugh is still unconscious and in the ICU due to a brain bleed. He might need surgery, but we're not sure yet."

"Well, can I see him?"

* * *

Putting on the hideous yellow gown that Hanna wouldn't be caught dead in along with the horrible-smelling mask, Spencer took a very wobbly step into Toby's hospital room, finding Emily sitting next to him. It wasn't that surprising, really. The pair had been close since they had met- an instant bond that was truly unique.

"Hey, Spence! If I'd been told that you were awake, I would've come to see you," Emily smiled, feeling guilty that her friend had been awake and without her.

"Don't worry about it, Em. He needs you more right now."

"Well, I can't change it now, anyway. How are you?"

"I'm fine, actually. Well, physically. Emotionally, I'm a mess. Marie…" she trailed off, her voice catching in her throat as the dam gave way yet again.

"I know, I know," the swimmer said, scooting over to embrace Spencer in a comforting hug.

"I feel like it's all my fault! I can't remember why I made them give me a goddamn ride home!" She could feel the fury taking over as she pounded her petite fists into a teddy bear that someone had sent for Toby.

Emily's eyes went as wide as saucers. "You… you don't remember?" She stuttered, eyes bugging out of her head.

"No, I don't. I wish I could! Dammit!" She cried, her body wracking with the overwhelming force of her sobs. After she had calmed down considerably, Emily took Spencer's hands in hers and forced their eyes to meet.

"Spencer… I'm so sorry… You left because you found out that Wren was cheating on you."

And, with that, Spencer could feel everything go numb.

And, for the second time, Spencer could see everything go black.

**A/N: I'm sorry if the hospital scenes weren't specific enough, but this chapter was based on my personal experience when my uncle was hurt in Afghanistan and was extremely hard for me to write.**

**The overdose was also personal experience. I was the one who found my uncle like that, and the nurse didn't believe us. I thank God every day that I found him in time.  
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone else with loved ones in the armed forces. I come from an army family, I know that it hurts.  
If you ever need to talk about it, PM me. **


	3. But They Survived

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! Band camp for eight hours takes the life right out of your eyes. I'm exhausted. This chapter was also a big deciding point for future chapters, and I wanted to make sure I liked it enough that it could play out the way I wanted.**

**So, naturally, I holed up in my room for three days when I was supposed to be productive. **

**Band camp counts... Right?**

**Chapter Three:** **But They Survived**

"Toby, I know you're in there somewhere. I know they say you might not wake up, but you have to! For all of us that are worried about you, please, keep fighting!" Emily pleaded, not ready to give up on her best friend just yet. He was a hell of a fighter, that was for sure. Heck, he spent half his time around tools that could kill him or climbing up onto people's houses! A bad car wreck wouldn't be the thing that killed him.

Would it?

All the thoughts running through the swimmer's head could be strung together and go to the moon and back. She had taken two weeks off at work where she coached a high school swim team for a family emergency- because, despite birth certificates and blood and marriage, Toby and the girls were more of a family than anything else she had- but that didn't mean that everything was fine and dandy as soon as Toby woke up, IF he woke up.

What about Marie? The dazzling brunette was so optimistic, she probably hadn't even considered writing a will until she was at least 75. In fact, knowing Marie, she probably would've had it written on her deathbed, refusing to admit defeat until the last minute possible.

That was one of the reasons why Spencer and Marie became such great friends- Marie loved a good challenge. And, what's more, she did everything possible to make sure she won.

Feeling a tear run down her cheek at the memory of her late friend, Emily quickly wiped it away with a quick sniffle. She had to stay strong right now, for Toby. She knew he could hear everything, even if he couldn't at the same time.

"Aria, what the HELL are you talking about?! Spencer loves you and doesn't blame you for anything! Her memory of that night came back and she still greeted you the next morning with a smile and a desperate plea for coffee. I don't know what you're thinking, but you need to snap out of it before I smack you out of it!" Hanna yelled into her phone, using one hand to hold it next to her ear with the other pulling out her done-to-perfection blonde locks.

"Han, face it, she's smart. Sooner or later, she's going to realize that I'm to blame for Marie's death, and I'd rather not be there for that. I'm going to give her space now so that she won't hate me later. Don't question me on this, okay?"

"You selfish bitch," Hanna snarled, feeling the homicidal urges she hadn't felt since high school begin to overtake her system. "You're doing this for YOU. YOU feel bad, so YOU are backing out in case she freaks out YOUR feelings won't get hurt while she lashes out! She lost one of her best friends and she needs ALL of her other ones right now! And, in case you haven't noticed, ALL includes you!" She roared, ready to behead the woman on the other end. How dare Aria distance herself when she knew damn well that this was the time when she was needed most?

"Look, Hanna. I'm not being selfish. In due time, you'll see that. This is what's best for Spencer right now. Trust me, Han. Please." And with that, she hung up before hearing the string of curse words she was sure was headed her way.

"HANNA! I can unlock my own door, thank you very much! And Emily, the next time we fight about who gets to push the elevator buttons like seven-year olds, I'm going to seriously injure someone!" Spencer had been discharged three days ago, and her friends insisted on caring for her every hour of the day. Although life was getting easier, tears still leapt free at even the mention of Marie. The first thing she had done once she had gotten back to her apartment was place a photo of her and Marie on her nightstand. It was the first thing she woke up to and the last thing she saw when she went to sleep, a constant reminder that her best friend was still there and watching over her.

"I was in a car wreck! I didn't even break any bones! I have bruises from the seat belt and my back aches a little, but I have medication for that. I. AM. FINE." Spencer snarled angrily at two of her best friends, jamming her keys into the lock on her apartment door. While she loved the girls to death, she hated being fussed over like she wasn't independent enough.

That was weak- and a Hastings was anything but.

Looking back, that was why she had married Wren in the first place. He had let her be as strong as independent as she wanted, even if she was overworking herself. He was the first person to treat her that way, and Spencer had wrongly assumed he would be the last.

So, naturally, she called it love and they were married shortly after.

It wasn't that she didn't care for Wren, because she truly did. At one point, she might've even had strong feelings for him. But it was nothing more than that, really. And, here she was, four years later, realizing that she had become the thing she had most feared she would be, the thing she had worked so hard to stray from. She had become just like her parents.

In retrospect, it made sense. Working herself to the point of panic attacks. Throwing herself into college with so much effort and energy that she ended up in the hospital three times during her first year.

Looking back, she realized that Wren had only visited her in the hospital one of those three times. It wasn't that he didn't care, but that he was busy at the hospital. At least that's what she told herself at the time.

That was the moment she made a vow to herself to put a strong guard around her heart, never letting anyone get through. That was the moment that Spencer Hastings became even more of a force to be reckoned with.

Four weeks later.

"Move it, slowpoke! You're slowing me down!" Spencer giggled, covering her grin with her palm.

"It's not my fault that you let me nap while I got you coffee! Being discharged from the hospital takes a lot out of you!"

"Right, because going home to sleep in your own bed and live in your own space without the smell of cleanliness congesting your lungs is such torture!"

"Not to mention the food," the man said with a slight chuckle as Spencer's eyes lit up.

"Oh, the food! Food that doesn't look like it's been revived from the garbage disposal!" She exclaimed, re-living the day she came home from the hospital and ate herself out of house and home. Of course, she later learned that it wasn't a smart choice, but regretted nothing. Although she was still adjusting to life post-hospital and, of course, post-Marie, it was getting easier.

A voice interrupted her food-filled fantasies and brought her back to the real world.

"Well come on, then! There should be plenty of food inside!" Toby exclaimed, practically skipping into the house where he now lived alone.

Stepping into the Cavanaugh house, Spencer could almost feel the fists closing around her lungs and the walls closing around her as she willed herself to stay strong for the heartbroken man on her left, who was shaking with uncontrollable tears as she led him towards the couch and wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry into her shoulder.

"I just… She's gone and… I don't know…" He straightened up, sniffling as the tears continued to run down his face. "My whole life, all my plans, everything had her in it, you know? Where am I supposed to go from here? This house," he said softly, using the arm that wasn't around Spencer to gesture around, "was supposed to be filled with kids as soon as she had a stable job and my company took off. But now…" he trailed off, letting his tears consume him again as he realized that everything he had believed in had failed him.

"Now you don't know what to do? You feel like giving up, even though you know Marie would kick your ass if she was here to see it?" Spencer laughed at the image that was forming in her brain- the fairly tiny girl trying to take down Toby, who apparently had quite the impressive abdominal region.

Looking at her with surprised eyes, Toby noticed for the first time that Spencer's eyes were also full of tears, but that she was restraining them. Restraining them for him. "Yeah, I feel exactly like that," he whispered, shocked that she was able to take the words out of his mouth so easily.

"I know the feeling," she said with a bitter laugh, dabbing at the corners of her mocha eyes with her wrist. "Like all the little things that seemed so insignificant… A trip to the mall you had planned for Sunday, or all the Christmas dinners that you would attend together, would've been so brilliant and glorious that you would savor every minute of it, that you'd make it count, like it'd make a difference in your life… When, in reality, all you've got is this," she murmured softly, picking up a photo of Marie from the table beside her and letting her tears roll down her face and drop onto it one by one. "Like every moment you spent with her would've been different had you known that it would end so soon…" With that, the volcano erupted and it was Toby's turn to comfort Spencer.

Things had changed considerably between the pair since Toby had woken up and Emily had returned to working full time. She still visited on weekends, but it wasn't the same. Before the accident, Spencer would barely have considered Toby as an acquaintance. The two had barely exchanged nine awkward paragraphs at parties or dinners, if that. But now, it was different. When she wasn't spending every waking moment outside of class with him, she was texting him or calling him at the hospital. Now that he was home, they both had a feeling that it would remain that way.

Not only was he there for her in whatever way she needed, he understood her. He understood her in a way that she didn't know was even possible. It was as if reading each other's minds and finishing each other's sentences was as natural as breathing.

There was also the fact that he had, in a way, replaced Aria, who had stopped returning her calls and only texted her once or twice a week to make sure she was all right. Spencer didn't know what had happened, or what she had done, but Aria acting strangely was bothering her more than she had let on.

After making sure that Toby was sound asleep and taken care of, Spencer hopped into her car and drove along the roads to get to her apartment, thinking about Aria and everything they had been through.

They had survived Mona as -A and the hell she put them through. They had survived losing a girl they had loved dearly. They had survived constant relationship ups and downs. A car crash wasn't going to be death of Team Sparia. Spencer wouldn't let it happen.

Picking up the phone, she dialed the familiar number, determined not to let whatever this was get the best of her. Sighing as the call was forwarded to voicemail for the third time that day, Spencer dutifully listened to the recorded message instructing her to leave her tiny friend a message.

"Hi! You've reached Aria's phone! I can't talk to you right now, but if you leave your name, message, and phone number after the beep I'll call you back- maybe!" The last thing Spencer heard before the obnoxious tone was the giggle that she had grown up with, making her even more set in her ways.

"Hey, Ar, it's me… I don't know what's going on with you, but I miss you…. I'm worried about you… I just need to know that it wasn't me. And I need you to know that it wasn't you, either, whatever "it" is. Please, just, talk to me. I know you're there!" She added harshly before throwing her head back against the couch out of frustration. With a resounding click, Spencer gave up.

**Also, the next person to hate on phoenix9648 will get a serious virtual ass-whooping from me. I'm not kidding.**


	4. Tearing Down Walls

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! My dad left a couple months ago and I'm still trying to take care of my mom and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. I call it channeling my inner Hanna :)  
Also, can we talk finale for a minute? ASDFJKL OMGOMG SPOBY SPOBY SO CUTE THEY NEED MARRIAGE AND BABIES NOW. And, also, Ali might be alive and Ezra's -A. But OMG SPOBY.  
Enjoy Chapter Four!**

**Chapter Four: Tearing Down Walls**

A green light lit up on the top of Aria's phone, signaling that she had a new notification. Pulling it out of her bag, she felt her throat starting to close as she realized it was another voicemail from Spencer.

"Hey, Ar, it's me… I don't know what's going on with you, but I miss you…. I'm worried about you… I just need to know that it wasn't me. And I need you to know that it wasn't you, either, whatever "it" is. Please, just, talk to me."

"What's wrong? Aria, are you okay?" It wasn't until Ezra had ran over to her and started wiping at her tears away that she realized she was crying.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she sniffled, palming at her face. "I just… I just miss Spencer, I guess," she said, falling into his open arms as he embraced her.

"Spencer? What?" he asked, pulling back to look at her quizzically. "What are you talking about? Aria, she's a click away!"

"No, she's not!" Aria yelled, surprising even herself at her volume. Softening her tone, she continued, "I don't think I can be there right now… I don't want to be there when she realizes that I'm the reason Marie died and she and Toby are traumatized," she whispered, dabbing at her tears with a tissue.

Pulling her in while trying to formulate a response, Ezra's hands instinctively jumped to her back where they started rubbing circles. "What are you talking about?" he asked, suddenly curious. "You couldn't have done anything about Marie and what happened to her! Do you hear me? Nothing, Aria. Nothing," he said, now looking her straight in the eyes.

"Nothing? Are you kidding me?" She shrieked borderline hysterically, pacing around the room with her arms flailing. "I could've held off telling her about Wren, Ezra! I could've saved her from that, which, in turn, made her leave the club, and get in that friggin' car crash! I could have done SOMETHING."

"Aria, look at me," he said quietly, forcing her chin up so his eyes could meet hers. "You did the right thing!"

"Yeah, because doing 'the right thing' always ends up with one of your best friends dying!" the tiny brunette spat, obviously irate at the notion that she wasn't in the wrong.

"Aria, listen! I would have done the same thing given the situation! Anyone would have! Spencer would have!" He said, his tone softening as he realized that he was about to hit a lot closer to home. "Marie would have." He stated, rubbing up and down her arm soothingly before she jerked it away like he had burned her.

"Marie may have, but I did." She said somberly, as if that was the real tragedy regarding their current predicament. With that, she turned abruptly on her heel, walking towards their bedroom.

Sighing, Ezra grabbed a blanket and got comfortable on the couch, figuring that Aria would just kick him out if he gathered up the courage to venture within 10 feet of the bedroom. As he was drifting off into slumber while thinking of ways to help his distraught girlfriend, an idea hit him.

All he could do was hope that he remembered it in the morning.

* * *

"Spencer, I'm telling you, go for it!"

"Han! My MARRIAGE just ended. My MARRIAGE. Not my two-week long awkward-as-hell seventh grade relationship where all we did was stand next to each other on the playground. This was my MARRIAGE. The man who I was dead set on spending the rest of my life with! I am NOT going to get over my marriage, especially considering the way it ended, just because a fairly attractive guy gave me his number!:  
"SPENCER! Would you listen to yourself? You just admitted you thought he was attractive and you didn't even MENTION his accent. Or his exceptional face structure," the blond said with a snap, as if face structure was the deciding factor to all relationships.

"Han, are you listening to yourself? Accents- no matter how delicious they may be..." she trailed off dreamily.

"Umm, Spence?" Hanna asked with a smile. "You're drooling."

Smiling sheepishly, Spencer wiped away at the corners of her mouth, which appeared to be completely dry. "Sorry," she shrugged, turning around and walking away like nothing was the matter.

"How about this, then? If I come back and he tries again, I'll consider it."

"Spencer! Come ON," Hanna moaned, obviously not please by the quickening of their pace, especially with her particularly large assortment of bags. "He was flirting with you since the moment he laid eyes on you. For God's sake, he PURPOSELY messed up your order just for an excuse to spend more time with you! Give the poor guy a chance!"

"Han, I wish I could… It's not like five years ago- before Wren and I- I would have said no. Hell, I would've already ditched you and been having late lunch with him! But Wren…"

"Wren still hurts." The fashionable blonde finished sympathetically, placing a hand on Spencer's knee. "I'm sorry, Spence… I didn't know that he meant that much to you- as horrible as that sounds being your friend and all- but it's true. You were both so distant from each other…"

"No, no, you're right," Spencer sighed dejectedly, admitting defeat. "That's WHY it hurts so much. I did care about him, and, once upon a time, I might've even loved him. But the fact that he didn't respect me enough- that I didn't respect MYSELF enough-" she said, owning up to her mistakes as well, feeling that it wasn't fair to only victimize Wren. In a strange and twisted way, she was just as guilty. She stayed with him when she didn't love him and let both of them be unhappy. And, after all that had happened, the least she could do to honor Marie was acknowledge that she deserved blame just as much as he did. "That I didn't respect myself enough to admit it and walk away when our feelings were gone, THAT'S what hurts. This whole mess ending the way it did was just the icing on the cake."

"I understand, I really do. I get that you're scared-"

"I am NOT scared!"

"You're scared, Spence. And it's okay. You're living a totally different life now than you were two months ago. That's a lot of change in a very short time. But I know you! You're never one to soak your bandage in warm water for an ungodly amount of time and then slowly peel it away. You rip that sucker STRAIGHT off and suck it up."

"This isn't exactly a bandage, Han," Spencer reminded her softly.

"Face it Spencer, this IS a bandage. Maybe it's just a cast and super hard to break, or maybe it's just really big and hard to rip. Either way, you need to STOP soaking in all your sorrow and LIVE!"

"Hanna! My metaphorical bandage will be off soon enough. Give it TIME. And patience. Two things I'm fairly confident you lack, but I have faith you'll learn," Spencer replied snarkily, before changing the topic completely. "Hey, have you heard from Aria? She won't answer my texts, or my calls, or my emails, or my Facebooks or Tweets, or-"

"Spence, we get it," Hanna replied almost robotically, signaling that she had tuned out long ago.

"So have you heard from her?"

"Hey, how about some ice cream? Depression food ALWAYS helps!" Hanna said, grabbing her hand and dragging her along.

Spencer had expected the topic to be a bit awkward, but she had NOT thought that it would be avoided completely. Hanna was one of the five people- two of which were no longer alive- that she had fully trusted.

There wasn't much she could do, though. So she followed along, wondering what Hanna was hiding- and if whatever the secret was was an even bigger bandage than she was prepared to rip off.

* * *

"Toby, come on. You haven't eaten all day and it's getting late. You haven't showered in almost a week, and you smell like… Well, like you haven't showered in a week! Get out of bed, right now!" Spencer commanded, folding her arms much like an elementary teacher scolding a student.

Groaning, Toby rolled over onto his stomach, pulling his pillow over his head. Secretly, he found Spencer's act to be hilarious and was fighting back chuckles. Somehow, she never failed to make him smile.

It was true that he hadn't eaten at all that day (and, unbeknownst to Spencer, the day before), but he just wasn't hungry.

He wasn't anything anymore.

Toby had the feeling that his friends knew that Marie's death was taking a toll on him, but there was more than he let on. He had been putting up fronts for as long as he could remember, and didn't see anything wrong with that. Marie was the one person that always seemed to tear down his walls, but she was gone now.

"Toby Cavanaugh, I know damn well that you're awake and craving junk food! Get your ass out of bed in the next ten minutes or I'm pulling out the big guns," she snapped, stomping out of his bedroom.

Ten minutes later, Toby still wasn't awake and Spencer had called in Emily. Going over the game plan one last time before busting into the room, the girls giggled at their genius idea.

Throwing open the door, Spencer blared the air horn as Emily pounced on top of him and began beating him- as gently as you can beat someone- with a pillow, causing Toby to go into hysterics.

"This… This… These were your "big guns?" He managed to get out between fits of laughter, tears of mirth trailing down his face.

"Yes, and they appear to be working quite well!" Spencer winked, also laughing at the sight of two of her best friends being so playful and carefree despite everything they had been through recently.

A few hours later, after all had settled (and all had bathed), Toby sat up in bed, pondering all that he had thought earlier.

Sure, Marie was gone, and that would always haunt him, but he had so many loving people supporting him and cheering him on that he'd get through it. He thought of Emily, the best friend he could ask for, as loyal and protective as a pitbull. He now understood why her nickname was "Killer."

He thought of Spencer, the beautiful brunette who was currently asleep on his couch. Going out to check on her, he realized how peaceful she was when she slept. The ever-present lines of worry ceased to exist in her dreams, where she undoubtedly was living a fantasy that would never be reality. Turning around, he heard her mumble. Listening closer, he realized that she was talking to Marie.

"Marie… Marie, no… Don't leave..." He couldn't hear anymore. She was dreaming about the accident. She was dreaming of Marie's death. He was the only person that knew that her memory of that night had come back- fight with Wren, traumatizing accident, birthday cake, and all- but he didn't know it was giving her nightmares.

He didn't know that he wasn't alone.

As he walked back to his bedroom and stared at the framed photo of their large group of friends that was taken a few years ago, he realized something else. Everyone else was suffering. They were all mourning the loss of a dear friend and he was being a baby, making it look like he was the only one hurting.

He realized that even though Spencer and Emily were hurting, they spent the majority of their time taking care of him, making sure he was fed, bathed, and generally okay. He realized that the brunette being tortured by her own brain no less than 50 feet away was suffering just as much as he was, yet he was doing the opposite of what she would have.

Spencer would've been strong- assessed the situation and promptly awoken him from his nightmare. She would've held him in her surprisingly comfortable arms until his sobs had lessened, whispered words of wisdom in her soothing voice, and stayed exactly like that until he was asleep. She then would've stayed up watching him in case he had another attack.

She would've been the typical selfless, loving, beautiful, witty, and genuine Spencer Hastings.

Drifting off into slumber, he realized that he needed to provide a correction to his earlier statement.

Correction: Marie was one of the three people that always seemed to tear down his walls.

**Please review and all that fun stuff :D I love you all! I hope school is going well :)**


	5. Not Much Has Changed

**A/N: Hey, lovelies! Sorry for the wait, I had all these ideas running through my head and had to write them all down. On the bright side, I now have about four random chapters written for later on, along with about twenty quotes and plots that I came up with! Only my brain...  
So, without further ado, enjoy! (I apologize if you are offended by Spalex, just give it a few chapters ;) I think you'll be pleased.)**

**Chapter Five: Not Much Has Changed**

_**One Month Later.**_

_Not much has changed_, Spencer thought to herself, looking around the house she had been calling home for a while. _ Marie's still dead. Aria still won't talk to me- only now she isn't talking to me from New York._ Feeling a tear roll down her cheek at the memory of Hanna telling her that Aria and Ezra had moved to New York without so much as a warning or goodbye to her, she decided to move on to happier thoughts. _ Toby is still my best friend. Well, that's more recent, but it feels like it's been forever._ The brunette sighed, rubbing the pad of her thumb along the framed photo of her and Marie that had taken up residence on the table next to the couch that she now called her bed. Now smiling, she remembered the day that it had been taken. It was when she and Marie had spent the weekend together at her family's lakehouse. The Cavanaugh couple were going through a rough spot, and Marie spent most of the time using up the endless tissue supply the house stored, but it was still one of Spencer's fondest memories of her.

_The aging door the the master bedroom creaked open for Spencer to find Marie curled up in the bed, tissues and a box of chocolate at her side, Trading Spouses flickering in the background. Turning off the trashy-yet-addictive television show, she carelessly tossed the remote on the loveseat and gently rubbed her best friend's back. _

_"Marie?" she whispered, still unsure if her friend was asleep. Based on the grumble that she received as a response, Spencer presumed she had awoken Marie from a much-needed nap. "Mar, honey, you have to wake up, otherwise your sleep cycle will be thrown off, which has been shown to result in weight gain, significant reduction of cortisol secretion, a major change in-"_

_"Spencer, you're killing me," Marie giggled, playfully tossing her pillow in what she assumed to be her friend's general proximity. _

_Rolling her mocha eyes, Spencer gave her friend a solid whack on the back with the mascara-stained pillow, now also experiencing a case of the giggles. "Seriously, it's bad for you!" she laughed, tears of mirth trickling down her perfectly-angled face._

_"What, and inhaling caffeine by the barrel each morning isn't? Marie teased, her piercing blue eyes sparkling with delight at her best friend's offended look._

_"Don't mock me," Spencer hissed, her voice full of fury but her eyes full of joy at the fact that she had gotten her friend to crack a smile, let alone laugh. Breaking her facade, she broke out into a genuine smile, sitting down next to the other brunette. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Mar." As the dam broke again, Spencer realized she may have said the wrong thing._

_"Oh, Spence, what am I going to do?" Marie whaled, blowing her nose so loudly Spencer could've sworn she momentarily lost her hearing. "I screwed up so badly this time…"_

_"Hey, shh, calm down. It's going to be okay! Whatever it is, we'll work through this! You and Toby are a force to be reckoned with, and you know that just as much as I do."_

_"No, you don't understand! I… I was pregnant, Spence," she whispered so softly that even she had trouble hearing herself. _

_"Are? Or was?" Spencer asked tentatively, not knowing if her friend was filling with pregnancy hormones or grief- two things she really wasn't prepared to deal with._

_"If I was still pregnant, I would've phrased it that way!" the blue-eyed girl snarled fiercely, her hair whipping furiously around her face. "I found out about two weeks ago," she continued, a little more calmly. "I was so excited, Spence! I was going to be a mom!" she said, her eyes lighting up at the notion of her being a parent even through her tears. "So I come up with this really witty way to tell Toby, right? And then, as I'm setting it up, I feel these horrible pains and look down and see the blood. I managed to clean it all up before he got home," she finished, throwing her head into her tiny hands._

_"Does Toby…" Spencer trailed off, hoping that Marie would catch her drift before she actually had to ask the question._

_"No." her friend answered rather sternly, her blue eyes meeting Spencer's mocha ones. "And he won't." She said pointedly, sending out a rather clear message- that this was a secret to be kept. "He won't until I'm dead." She finished confidently._

_Whipping out her iPhone without warning, Spencer loaded up the camera, switching cameras so that it pointed directly at the friends. _

_"SPENCER! What are you doing?!" Marie nearly screamed, causing her friend to wince._

_"WE are preserving this memory," the slightly taller brunette grinned. "So say cheese!" After the photo was snapped, Spencer smiled brightly, waving it around. "One day, though it may be years and years from now, we will look back on this weekend and smile. We'll remember all the happiness that came with it instead of the tears. Got it?" _

_"Got it."_

Spencer smiled at the photo, looking at Marie's red-rimmed eyes filled with fury, while she was laughing. Truth be told, that photo meant a lot to her. Marie, much like herself, had a lot of trouble opening up to people. Being vulnerable was not something she was comfortable with, and the fact that she had spent three days completely vulnerable in front of Spencer meant the world.

Hearing Toby's footsteps coming down the hallway, Spencer looked up at him and smiled. "What're you looking at?" he inquired, gesturing to the silver frame in her fragile hands.

"Just this old picture of me and Marie from a few years ago," she responded simply, handing him the photo so he could inspect it further.

"When was this? I don't recognize the place, either. Oh god, what did that crazy woman do?" he laughed, remembering some of Marie's crazy antics from their teenage years.

"It was over the weekend about two years ago… She was having a rough patch so we stayed at my family's lake house," Spencer said noncommittally, walking towards his- now their- kitchen.

Running a hand through his hair, Toby struggled to pinpoint the time period she was describing. "I vaguely remember that, I think… She was really upset about something she wouldn't tell me. Next thing I know, I get a text saying she's with you, she's safe, and she loves me," spinning around as reality hit him, he stared down the brunette not even twenty feet away from him. "She told you, didn't she? She told you what was wrong, made you promise not to tell, and that's why you're being so weird about it!" He accused, his voice rising at an alarming rate.

"Yes! Yes, okay? But she made me promise not to tell until she was dead!" Spencer retaliated, jumping back with her eyes widening as she realized what she had just said. Even though time was helping, Marie's death was still a sensitive topic for the pair, especially when it was used in the context Spencer had unintentionally put it in.

"Well, that's just great! Seeing as she's still ALIVE, I can tell why you haven't told me," Toby spat, storming off into his room, his eyes filling with tears.

About five minutes later, he heard Spencer knocking on his door. "Toby, please let me in. I know I messed up, but I really didn't think you wanted to hear what she was upset about while her death was still so… fresh. I just wanted to protect you. I'm so sorry," she pleaded, and he could hear the tears in her voice. Opening the door a crack, he looked her dead in the eye.

"Spill," he said tensely.

"Toby," Spencer said, her voice full of warning, "I think this is going to require more of a face-to-face-to-tissues type setting." Opening the door, Spencer sat down on his bed, patting the space beside her for him to join. Deciding to dive right in, she took a deep breath and began to retell the story.

"Toby… Marie was pregnant. She had come up with some very…_ Marie_ way to tell you, but she lost the baby before she could," seeing the hurt on her best friend's face was enough to make her feel sick to her stomach, but she carried on. "She didn't want to tell you and put you through the pain of knowing if there wasn't any point," she sniffled. "I'm so sorry," moving to embrace him, she was surprised when he flinched.

"I'm sorry, Spence. I just a need time," and, with that, Toby walked out the door, obviously distressed. He felt bad for hurting his friend, but he couldn't be around her right now. He couldn't be around ANYONE right now.

Hearing the door slam and figuring that Toby wouldn't be back for at least three or four hours, Spencer dialed the numbers on her phone, her friend picking up on the third ring.

"Hey, Spence! How's it going?"

"Well, it's… It's going," the brunette sighed into the receiver, hoping that Hanna would catch her underlying message without her having to actually have to ask.

"I'll be there in ten."

* * *

"Spencer, this is dumb! CALL HIM." Hanna pleaded, throwing her hands in the air frustratingly. "He WANTS you to call him. Why not?"

"Why not?" she asked with a bitter laugh. "Because maybe I'm not ready to date him! Maybe I still need time!"

"Let's get real, Spence. You've been ready for longer than you'd like to admit. And he obviously wants you!"

"I don't know, Han…" Spencer trailed off, sighing.

"I'll tell you what," Hanna started, excitement in her eyes. "You go on a friendship non-date with him! See if he's okay, and if all goes well DATE him! And, if not- which seems impossible- you come back, change your name, and move to France."

Weighing her options carefully, Spencer finally caved, knowing that her friend was never going to give up. Picking up her phone once again, she dialed the phone number of Alex Santiago.

"Hello?" he asked, his accent almost making her forget why she was calling.

"Hi, umm, Alex? This is Spencer," she responded nervously, afraid she (or rather, Hanna) had gotten the wrong message from him.

"Spencer, of course! I have a feeling you aren't calling to place an order…" he teased, his smile audible through the phone.

"No," she blushed, trying to contain the schoolgirl-like giggles that were threatening to escape. "I just wanted to know more about you. Do you want to hang out sometime? Like, not at the restaurant?"

"Yeah," Alex responded, excitement evident in his voice.

"Okay," Spencer breathed, not even realizing that she had been holding her breath. "Bye," she smiled, even though she knew he couldn't see it.

"Bye," he echoed, feeling much happier than he had in a long time.

As soon as she heard the line go dead, both she and Hanna clasped hands, jumping around the room and squealing much like their teenage-selves would have done.

"Spencer Hastings!" the blonde nearly screamed, hugging her best friend tightly. "You're going on a date!"

Smiling, the brunette let that sink in. "I'm going on a date!" She whispered excitedly.

"How's that bandage now?" Hanna inquired, knowing full well that she had been right. Smiling brightly, Spencer responded in the only way she could.

"What bandage?"


	6. All Too Much

**A/N: Hey there! It's been a little while, but I'm hoping to get back! The next chapter should be up within a little bit :D**

I did, however, want to address an issue. I sat down to try and finish this story yesterday, but checked Twitter first, and was EXTREMELY angry at what I found. Someone on WattPad has been taking stories from FF and putting them up as their work! IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, OR HAVE FOUND ANY OTHER STOLEN STORIES, TELL ME IMMEDIATELY. I HAVE REPORTED THIS AUTHOR AND ALL OF THEIR STOLEN STORIES, BUT HELP IS APPRECIATED. Normally, I'd refer you to phoenix9648, who is an expert at this stuff, but she's too angry right now. She is the sweetest and most talented person I know and whoever has the audacity to steal her work and make her physically sick will have hell to pay. It is SICKENING that people could be so deceitful and cheat like this while still getting recognition for "their work." IF I FIND ANY STOLEN STORIES ON HERE, WATTPAD, QUOTEV, OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU READ, I WILL GET THEM TAKEN DOWN. We are all hyperaware of plagiarism at the moment, and will find them. PLEASE PM me or tweet at me ( spobyaddict) and let me know any stolen stories you see. I will NOT stand for this anymore. You are welcome to read stories, and write your own, but taking from others crosses a line. It is wrong, and, quite frankly, illegal.

After all that, on with the story!

**Chapter Six: All Too Much**

"It's insane! I mean, how many of these do they expect you to try on? It's not like you wear these to every other big event you go to," Hanna asked, wondering why bridesmaids' dresses were always such a controversial topic.

"It's about making the bride and groom happy," Spencer responded, going back to studying catalogs- something that was usually Hanna's role. Unfortunately, the blonde was too busy eating the cold, garlic-topped pasta they had had for dinner a few hours ago.

"Ugh, Han, why are you still eating that?" Emily questioned, grimacing as she watched Hanna most likely give herself a heart attack.

"Because it's here!" she argued, shrugging.

"Just put it in the garbage," Spencer suggested, barely paying attention to the ongoing conversation.

"Well, then I'd have to stand over the garbage and eat it," Hanna smiled, making the other girls giggle. Changing the topic completely, her blue eyes zoned in on Emily. "Hey, what did Samara say to you after the movie last night?"

"Hello, we are going to have to come to a decision within in next twelve days, can we focus?"

"Okay, Spencer, you do not need to look at any more dresses! Besides, you already have your mind made up," the blonde smirked knowingly. Once again turning her attention to Emily, Hanna distracted her friends yet again. "Hey, I saw Samara hug you… And she did NOT want to let go!"

"Talk about not wanting to let something go," Emily retorted.

"Why can't you just give her a chance? She's smart, she's cute, she probably owns like half of the jewelry in the world, and she's got nice lips! Seriously, Em, you and Samara would look amazing together!"

"Can we just drop it? Please?" Emily pleaded. Though she certainly was developing feelings for the gorgeous girl she had met an LGBT support group a few weeks ago, getting over Maya was still taking priority on her To-Do List. "I'm not looking for anything more than a friend," she half-lied.

"Why? I mean, don't you have enough on Facebook? Besides, don't you want something real? Something you can… I don't know… Scratch and sniff?"

"Wow," Spencer interjected, preventing her friend from making any other awkward comments. "Maybe you should just eat that over the garbage!" She laughed.

"Okay, I am trying to help out a friend here!" Hanna pouted, content on proving her point. "We don't all have smokin-hot waiters from the best restaurant in town," she teased.

"What is going on with you and Alex? Is he back from that tournament?" Emily inquired, intrigued to find out more.

"Yeah, he's back," Spencer smiled all-too-happily, her excitement showing through, even though she was trying to contain it.

"And…?"

"And, it's… good," she responded, the girls before her exchanging smiles at her happiness before she broke her facade. "It's SO good!" she sighed in a state up loved-up bliss. "I want it to last, but I'm afraid I'm gonna blow it," she said sadly.

But the girls didn't care. "So, when can we officially call him 'the boyfriend'?" Emily questioned teasingly. The shrug and goofy smile they got in response was good enough.

Looking at the digital numbers on the oven behind her, Emily started to worry. "Where's Aria?"

"She's probably on her way over," Spencer shrugged, trying to remain cool and collected. It had been almost two months since she had seen or heard from her friend, and it was killing her. It was a surprise to find a wedding invitation in the mailbox, and even moreso when she discovered it was Aria's.

Although it hurt that Aria hadn't called her immediately, or that she chose Hanna as the maid of honor (which, in true Hanna style, she accepted while still dumping the work on Spencer), it was an honor to be invited and to be a bridesmaid. These days, it was an honor for Spencer to get anything from Aria.

Hearing Hanna and Emily's phones go off simultaneously, the girls collectively flinched. Even though it had been years since -A had tormented them, the memories would haunt them forever. Hearing Spencer's go off not 30 seconds later, the three braced themselves for it to begin again. However, the text was from a different -A.

"It's only Aria," Spencer breathed, feeling her heart start to calm again. "She's sick and can't make it." Seeing the looks on her friend's faces, the brunette realized she had been lied to. "Or she just doesn't want to see me," she said sadly, getting ready to head out and call it a night. She and Toby were back to normal and he was a surprisingly good listener.

"Spencer- wait." Hanna sighed, getting up to show her distraught friend the text she and Emily had received.

_I'm sorry guys. I couldn't do it. I don't know if she hates me, or worse, or… I just don't know. I'll talk to you soon. -Aria_

"Aria blames herself for Marie's death," Emily stated, surprising even herself with her forwardness. Normally, she was one to follow. "She blames herself and is hiding behind it by pretending she thinks you're mad at her. She knows that you don't blame her. She's afraid to see you, because then she'll have to admit that she's been lying this whole time."

"Em, where did that come from?" Hanna asked, just as shocked by Emily as she was by Aria's sudden need to stay hidden away in New York.

"She's been pulling that crap for long enough!" Emily said, her voice rising. "It's so… Alison of her." Cutting in before things got too emotional for her liking, Spencer decided to call it quits.

"I love you guys, but I'm going to head out. Call me tomorrow?" she asked meekly. Before they could respond, she was out the door and calling Alex. She felt bad on ditching him for her girl plans tonight, but she really needed him now.

"Hey, I'm sorry, this whole thing was awful," she greeted him, pulling him in for a kiss. "What's this? she asked, taking a look at the pamphlet in his hand.

"A member at the club gave it to me- it's a tennis clinic in Sweden," he shrugged, almost as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Sweden?" Spencer asked, suddenly concerned. If Alex was too far away when it was a five-minute drive, an ocean would definitely not suit to her needs. "Why'd he give it to you?"

"He wants to apply. A lot of the people who go to it end up playing in the Swedish open."

Feeling her heart nearly burst with pride at her boyfriend's accomplishment, Spencer could barely contain her excitement. "God, Alex, that's amazing! You have to do it!" her eyes lit up as she thought of a solution to her previous concern. "Maybe I can get an internship over there, like in Stockholm or something-"

"Spencer, slow down! I'm not going," he stated simply.

"Why? If this guy recommended you then he must think you're up to it! I think you're up to it, I think you are fantastic," she smiled, rubbing his cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.

"I can't go," he whispered, shaking his head. "I told my uncle I'd work for him. He needs the bodies…"

"Your uncle can find other bodies to help him rip down buildings! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" Spencer argued, still not seeing why her boyfriend was simply ignoring an invitation like this.

"I don't wanna go," Alex admitted, his voice rising.

"So you'd rather spend the rest of your summer tossing broken plaster in a dumpster? That's insane!"

"Maybe to you," he shrugged, seeming slightly irritated. "I'm not interested in playing pro. I'd rather be here, working, saving for college," he explained, trying to deactivate the ticking time bomb that their argument was turning out to be.

"Okay, I get that, and that's good! But… How can you turn this down?" she asked, still in awe of his ability to turn away.

"Like this," he responded, tossing the pamphlet in a nearby trash can. "So, are you ready for that dinner?"

* * *

"No way!" Spencer laughed, trying not to choke on her food, remain ladylike, and seem interested all at the same time. Needless to say, her dinner with Alex was better than she ever could've imagined. It had been full of nonstop laughs and funny stories from the both of them, and Spencer was more sure than ever of her feelings for him. "So I was thinking," she started nervously, not sure what the outcome would be. "My parents have this little place up in Bucks County… What if we could sneak away up there next weekend? Please just don't say no until I show you a picture!" she added, not wanting him to think it was some dump out in the woods.

"You had me at 'I was thinking,'" he smiled, leaning in to kiss her. Feeling that something was off, Spencer opened her eyes to see Wren walking towards them. Sensing the panic start to take over, she quickly broke the kiss. "What just happened?" Alex asked, concern filling his eyes.

"Nothing, I just… It's just a little bit busy here.

"Well, let's go outside," he suggested, throwing off her plan. Why did he have to be so sweet and understanding?

"Okay," she nodded, looking for an escape. "I'll meet you out there. I'm just going to go and use the bathroom," she explained.

"Okay," he smiled, paying the check before Spencer could protest. As he walked out so she could relieve her bladder, Spencer looked to see Wren looking at her. They made brief eye contact, and she ran for it, throwing herself into a bathroom stall, sobbing. She didn't care if anyone heard. Wren, Marie, Aria… It was all too much. Alex helped- he helped more than he knew. But, sometimes, things just got to be too much.

Aria hadn't made any attempts to contact her since earlier. It had been months since Spencer had seen her face or heard her voice, and the one time she had received a text, it was a rather lame excuse not to see her. Spencer thought that she could pull it together for her dinner date with Alex. She knew she was pushing it, especially in light of recent events, but toughed it out. And now, here she was, sobbing in a bathroom stall because there wasn't anywhere else to go. Normally, she'd lean on Toby, but he was out of town on a job for the next three days, and she missed the warmth and comfort her friend never failed to provide.

Deciding to tough it out once again, the brunette took a deep breath and walked into the cool night. "It took forever to get into that bathroom," she apologized, leaning over the bench Alex was sitting on.. "Some girl in there was spending quality time with her eyebrows," Spencer smiled, hoping he wouldn't see through her lie. Noticing that he wasn't smiling- or responding in any way- she immediately became concerned. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I'm gonna take off," he stated, getting up.

"Why? Where are we going?" she asked, still getting the feeling that something was off.

"I don't know where you're doing, but I'm going home." As he was leaving, he suddenly turned around. "Couldn't resist, could you?" he inquired, his voice angry but still calm. Holding up his phone, Spencer couldn't make out a word.

"What am I looking at?"

"An email confirmation for my application for the tennis clinic,"

"Okay…" Spencer trailed off, her voice growing more excited. Had he really taken her advice and applied?

"Which was sent in electronically…" Suddenly, everything clicked.

"You think I did that?"

"You're the only person I told!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I didn't!"

"Spencer, get real, okay? You and I want different things, and you say you're okay with that but you're not! And you never will be."

"I did not send that in!" she argued. "But I apologize if I made you feel like-"

"Dont, don't! Don't apologize for who you are and what you want. I'm not going to," with that, Alex headed off in the direction of his car, leaving Spencer alone in the cold. She didn't know who had sent in the application, or why, but she was determined to find out.

A sudden beep sent her internal panic alarm into overdrive. Getting her phone out with shaky hands, she saw she had a new text. Was it -A again? It couldn't be! Mona was locked up at a hospital in Saratoga! Deciding to rip off the bandage, Spencer closed her eyes and opened the message.

_You didn't really think I could let you be happy with another guy, did you? Point, set, match! -Wren_

* * *

"You need to call Alex," Hanna said through the rolled-down window as she pulled up to give her devastated friend a ride.

"And tell him what? I can't undo this without telling him about Wren," she sighed, having given up about five minutes ago. "Unless you think I should go back in there and ask Wren to put down the piece of pizza and call Alex himself," she murmured sarcastically, her wit always present.

"Stop," Hanna demanded, looking her friend dead in the eyes. "You do not get to wallow in your self-pity anymore! You went through hell- we ALL did. This isn't the time to let your ego get in the way of something that may have been doomed to begin with!" the blonde snapped, fire blazing in her oceanic eyes while Spencer's filled with tears.

"You're right," Spencer sighed, feeling the waterworks start up again. "I just don't know what to do… I mean, I thought that the first guy I dated after Wren was going to be some meaningless rebound, but I really cared about him…"

"Oh, Spence, I'm so sorry," Hanna said sympathetically, scooting closer. "I didn't know he meant that much to you."

"Yeah, well apparently he didn't either. Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"I'm going to Toby's, and then I'm going to New York to find Aria and drag her back here by her hair."


	7. Me Neither

**A/N: Hey guys! OMG SPOBY. Okay, I'm done. ALSOOOO you should totally follow me on Twitter and learn all about my boring life! We can talk PLL, not-PLL, relationships, I really don't care! spobyaddict is my name, because I'm very creative and enjoy coming up with new usernames!  
I'd also very quickly like to thank elenabee for never failing to leave the most beautiful reviews that leave me speechless! You have no idea how much it helps me and inspires me to write, knowing that people care that much about my work. Thank you. :)  
I'm pretty sure you'll be pleased with this chapter's events ;) **

**Chapter Seven: Me Neither**

A creaking sound that Spencer recognized as the door alerted her that someone was in her and Toby's home- someone who was NOT supposed to be there. Shutting off the lights and ditching the suitcase she had begun to pack for her New York trip, the doe-eyed girl raced into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife she could find. Ducking behind the counter, she tried to silence the pants that were currently her breaths while holding the weapon at an angle that she hoped would be the quickest way to defend herself.

Hearing the footsteps draw nearer, Spencer's breath quickened and she adjusted herself as to be hidden more from her attacker. As soon as she saw black shoes approaching where she was, her anxiety intensified. Whoever it was knew their way around the apartment. Was it Aria? Did her pixie of a best friend hate her that much?

Scanning her eyes up to confirm her fear, her heart stopped when she saw Toby. Dropping the knife, she ran over to him, engulfing him in a hug.

"I thought you weren't going to be back until the eighth!" she cried, happy to see her best friend and extremely happy to not be warding off a murderer.

"I had to see you," he whispered, pulling her tighter. "As soon as I got your text about Alex… I knew you needed me more than they did." The truth was, he was supposed to be out of town until the eighth, but he couldn't stay away from Spencer. While he was away, he had done some soul-searching and surprised himself with what he found. He had realized that even though he loved Marie, somehow Spencer shone even brighter. It wasn't just beauty- though she had to be the most beautiful girl on the planet. It was everything. The way her voice was especially raspy in the morning, and how it would yell at him for drinking all of her coffee before she was even awake. It was the way that her smile could light up Los Angeles during a severe power outage with no problem at all, and her laugh could make your entire day just that much brighter. Somehow, though he couldn't explain it, it was just Spencer.

There was only one problem- he didn't know what on earth he was going to do about it. She couldn't feel the same, could she? She had had her heart broken in the worst way by someone she had planned to spend the rest of forever with. Then, on the same day, she had lost her best friend. It was too selfish of him to ask her to try with him if she couldn't even sleep at night because she had nightmares. He had gotten better with those, though. He would help her with them instead of going off to suffer from his own. They were stronger as a team- he only wished he could've realized it sooner.

A sniffle from the beautiful girl in his arms snapped him out of his reverie and back into reality. Tipping her chin up to look into her mocha-brown eyes, Toby could almost hear his heart breaking when he saw they were filled with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, leading her to the couch.

"I want to stay here with you so badly tonight," she started. "But I have business to take care of. It's just been really hard without you here," she said softly, not wanting to break the feeling of peace surrounding them.

It was odd, when she thought about it. Here they were, intertwined in a way which most would assume was for couples. She was laying across his lap as he sat up, their legs intertwined. She liked it. She loved it. She loved him. She had known it for a while, if she was being honest with herself.

She was a Hastings, and feelings were something to be pushed aside. Especially after all the hell Toby had been put through, thinking about him being involved with anyone right now must be painful for him. Who was she to try and help him just to hurt him again?

"What do you mean, business?" the blue-eyed man asked slowly. "Is it Wren? Is he bothering you?"

_You don't know the half of it_, Spencer sniggered to herself, thinking of her and Alex's untimely breakup. "No he's not it's… It's Aria," she sighed, letting the tears flow again. Toby knew about the situation anyway, so it wasn't like she had anything to be ashamed of.

"What about Aria? Is she all right?"

"Yes, she's fine… I'm going to visit her," Spencer responded, choosing her words carefully.

"That's great!" her friend smiled. "So she talked to you?"

"Not exactly…" she trailed off, moving to get off of the couch and avoid having to explain her plan.

But Toby was too quick. Grabbing her forearm gently, he pulled her back next to him. "Spencer, what's going on? When we talked earlier, you said you were meeting her!"  
"I was, but she bailed. So I'm going to New York and I'm going to yell a little and cry a little and find out what the hell is going on!" she said angrily, her voice rising before cooling off again. "Look, I don't mean to snap at you. I'm just tired of losing people." Seeing the pain in her eyes took away all his reservations about her spontaneous road trip. Glancing at the clock, he realized that it was too late to go now.

"Okay, but it's too late to go now. We'll end up getting there at two in the morning and I'm sure Aria will be even less likely to face you in the middle of the night," he joked, poking her in the side.

"I can't stay here now, Toby, I need to get out. I think I'm going to stay at a motel or something, I mean how bad can it be?"

"Well, I'm coming with you. Come on, it'll be fun! We can have a movie and game night!" he said excitedly, grabbing Scrabble from the closet.

* * *

"Glyceraldehyde?" Toby asked amusedly.

"With the 'C' on the double letter it's 32 points, plus the triple word score gets me 96 points," Spencer smiled, trying to contain her pride.

"Goofball," Toby said simply, placing his letters down as he spoke. "You can put down 104 points for me," he smirked, trying not to laugh at his friend's shocked expression. "Thanks for the 'G', I've been waiting for it." Noticing that Spencer was still taken aback, he decided to explain. "18 points," he started, giving it time to sink in. "Times the triple word score, PLUS the 50 point Bingo Bonus."

"Oh. 104 points… Good for you." she said apathetically, obviously disappointed.

"I like this game," Toby smiled, knowing he was pushing her buttons. Deciding it was best to stop before he ended up back at the house, he changed the subject. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way… But you can't be comfortable in that jacket and that tie," he said, gesturing to her date-night outfit she had completely forgotten to take off.

"I'm… Fine…" Spencer started, a little nervous. She had forgotten pajamas, of course, and was planning on sleeping in her outfit, buttons, ties, and all. Apparently, Toby had other plans.

"Top or bottom?" he asked as innocently as he could, holding up the two articles of clothing. Her eyes widened to an all-time high, and Toby wished he could capture the look on her face. A pure mixture of shock, confusion, and- of course- beauty.

"I'm just kidding," he smiled, tossing her the shirt before heading into the bathroom to change.

Looking up, Spencer noticed that the door-or, rather, the makeshift room divider- hadn't been closed all the way. Naturally, her eyes diverted to the muscles across his abdomen. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen him shirtless before, but something was different about this time. She didn't have much time to think about what, though, as his body was soon out of her sight.

"All yours," Toby smiled, moving aside so that Spencer could enter the poor excuse for a restroom. As soon as she was inside the tiny space, she slid down the wall and sat. She just sat. She sat until the floor was no longer cold and she was fairly sure Toby was asleep. Changing her shirt quickly, she walked out, not wanting to make any noise. Noticing him there, asleep, she took a moment to gaze at him. He looked so peaceful, so content. Lying down next to him, she realized how safe she felt. How warm. Looking at him one last time, she nodded off into slumber, her mind void of anything but the beautiful man next to her.

* * *

Waking up, Spencer was surprised to find herself pressed up against Toby. Even more, she was surprised to say that she didn't mind the position in the least. He was warm. He made her feel safe. However, she knew she needed to find a way out before he awoke and possibly got upset. Feeling him stir as she wriggled her limbs out of his, she quickly jumped up, acting like she had been awake for several minutes.

"Hey," she greeted warmly, her voice still raspy and thick with fatigue.

"Have you been up all night?" Toby questioned, his voice equally tired but laced with concern.

"Nuh-uh," she mumbled while shaking her head, still too tired and caffeine-deprived to formulate sentences. "But I might fall asleep behind the wheel if I don't have caffeine soon," she half-joked, coming to her senses more and more with each passing second.

"Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but if you don't hit the road soon you'll miss your chance. You'll have to grab some later," he smiled, knowing that she wouldn't be pleased about it.

"Fine," she pouted, turning to get ready for the day.

_An Hour Later_

Closing the car door softly as he put the last of Spencer's bags in her car, he turned to face her. "If it gets too uncomfortable in New York, or if things go wrong, I reserved the room for one more night," he offered, knowing that the woman in front of him always needed at least one backup plan.

"I might have to take you up on that," she said softly, knowing that the situation in which she'd have to return was very likely to arise. Looking up bashfully, she noticed his eyes were sparkling with something she hadn't seen before.

"I'm sorry that this whole 'movie and game night' thing was a bust-" she started, before Toby cut her off.

"It wasn't a complete wash," he said with a slight smirk. "To be honest, it was really fun to kick your ass at Scrabble," he teased gently.

Opening her mouth to respond with some witty comeback, her chances were ruined when Toby strode over and covered her mouth with his. Surprised at first, he went to pull back, but Spencer responded by pulling him back and opening her mouth to his, her hand coming up to rest on his rock-solid chest. After a few more seconds, both pulled back, unsure what to think.

"I was… Not expecting that," Spencer smiled, her forehead leaned against his.

"Good luck in New York," he blurted out, running back inside with the speed of a cheetah. Confused and hurt, Spencer got into the driver's seat, not sure if she was losing yet another best friend- or if she could handle it.

Once inside, Toby threw his fist into a pillow- having learned the hard way that walls caved too easily- wondering what he had done. Laying down on the bed, Spencer's words echoed on a constant loop through his head.

"I was… Not expecting that."

"Me neither," he whispered, wondering what to do about his ever-growing feelings for the beautiful brunette.


	8. Second Chances

**A/N: YOU GUYS MADE ME CRY SO HARD WITH YOUR REVIEWS FROM LAST CHAPTER! You're all far too sweet :) I'm sorry for the wait! And this chapter! Remember, I am absolutely and 100% Team Spoby, but this story has kind of taken a mind of its own and I have no control ;) Also, my friend and I are trying to restart our YouTube channel after taking a break, and that's been really stressful :( GRR LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES. Keep smiling, guys!  
Shameless plug- follow me on Twitter :D I get lonely! spobyaddict (because I'm friggin' fantastic at coming up with usernames).  
PLEASE DO NOT HATE ME FOR THIS CHAPTER. THINGS WILL GET BETTER.**

****

Chapter Eight: Second Chances  


"Alright, small stuff. You open this goddamn door right now or I swear to God I will KICK IT DOWN!" Spencer shouted, pounding on the door with her tiny fists. "How DARE you up and move to New York without so much as a goodbye? Was that all I meant to you?" she continued, hurt that her friend hadn't opened up the door yet. "I know you're in there." Still nothing. Pulling out a bobby pin, Spencer moved on to more desperate measures in an attempt to pick Aria's lock, but had no luck. Crying now, she was as determined as ever to make her friend listen. "Will you just tell me that whatever's been going on with you isn't real? Please, just tell me that there's more to the story," she sobbed, her tears now out of control. "That there's something that… That I don't know…. Please, Aria!" Spencer cried, now sliding down the doorframe as she was too weak to continue. "Please," she croaked out, leaning her head up against the door. "Please."

"Spencer?! Oh my God, are you okay?" Looking up, Spencer's tear-filled eyes saw what they least expected- Aria. Dropping her cavas bags full of what was most likely vegetables and other organic products, the hazel-eyed girl ran over to her friend, squatting down and embracing her without hesitation. "God, Spence, I'm so sorry… If I'd have known you were this upset…"

"Shut up!" Spencer snapped, obviously not ready to forgive. "You can't just find me here all upset and emotional and take advantage! You can't just leave me after all that! You can't," she stated definitively, crossing her arms and pouting much like a small child would.

"Spence, look-"

"You can't call me that. Only my friends can call me that. And you have made it quite clear that friendship is the opposite of what you want."

"Look, Spencer, I am really sorry, but I was afraid you would be mad at me because I killed Marie!" Aria shouted.

"You didn't kill Marie! Some really, REALLY drunk driver did! And, you know what, he's dead too, now! And you know what else? The doctors have said that even if he hadn't died in the actual accident, his BAC probably would've killed him anyway. This is NOT your fault. So stop being a rather pathetic baby about things and start living, dammit!" Spencer cried, the words coming out faster than she could process them.

"I'm sorry, Spencer, but I thought you'd be mad. I was worried, okay? Please, forgive me," the hazel-eyed girl pleaded, just as desperate to be reunited with her friend again.

"No, I don't think I can do that," Spencer stated, standing up and brushing herself off, preparing to leave. Coming here was a mistake.

"Why?"

"You were worried about me being mad before? I was confused and upset before. Now, I'm FURIOUS." And she was gone.

* * *

_Beep_. Toby's phone went off, signaling that he had a new text, waking up the blue-eyed man. He didn't move. He didn't even make the slightest attempt to move, actually. It may have only been eight o' clock at night, but Toby had already been fast asleep, the day's previous events having caught up with him rather quickly.

He had _kissed_ Spencer. Not a strictly platonic kiss to the forehead, but a _kiss_. The kind of kiss that teenage girls gushed over, not the kind that inspired witty Facebook comments about "brothers in the friendzone" or anything like that. He had_ kissed_ her! It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to- it was the exact opposite. It was the fact that both of them were still struggling with losing love and couldn't handle a relationship right now. He couldn't handle one... Could he? Spencer had been totally fine with Alex, until that had blown up.

Neglecting Calling the one person he knew could help him, his fingertips tapped impatiently until he heard his friend pick up.

"Toby? Is everything okay?"

"I messed up… I messed up and I don't know what to do and I need you," he breathed, feeling the tears start.

"I'll be there in ten."

* * *

"So wait… He kissed you? Like on the lips?"

"Yes, Hanna, for the thousandth time, he kissed me on the lips!" Spencer groaned, already regretting her decision to stay with her fashion-forward friend for the time being.

"How was it?" Hanna asked, a mischievous glint in her eye, sensing that what her friend really needed was to gush and fawn over everything that had happened.

"Well, I wore the_ total_ wrong gloss," the brunette started, already in dreamland. "You know, the kind that looks wet, but it's really sticky?"

"Ugh," Hanna grimaced, all-too-familiar with the situation. "Wads of hair get stuck to your mouth," she shuddered.

"It's all fun and sexy until somebody hacks up a hairball!" Caleb joked as he walked by, causing Spencer to laugh for the first time in hours.

"Well, _you_ would know," Spencer stated sarcastically. Hanna, however, did not seem as amused. Throwing the box of tissues from the coffee table towards Caleb, she was obviously annoyed.

"Caleb Rivers! Can't you see we are trying to have girl time? Spencer is in a very fragile state and the next time you come in here and think it's okay to just crack a joke like it's no big deal I swear to God I will-"

"Hanna, calm down! I'm leaving, okay?" Starting to retreat back to his and Hanna's bedroom, his hands up in surrender.

"Bye, Caleb!" Spencer called out playfully.

"Caleb if you respond to her I will come in there and personally make you pay!" she shouted, making sure she heard the door shut before continuing to talk with her friend. Smiling, she turned back around. "So, does Toby know where you are?"

"No… I figured he'd want space. So I'm giving it to him," Spencer shrugged, as if it was her only option.

"Well, as much as I agree with you, he'll want to know you're safe even more. Just let him know that you're staying here, okay?"

"Han, are you sure he'll even want that much from me? You should've seen the look on his face! He was so confused about what had happened, he didn't even say goodbye! He ran for it! Do you think…" she trailed off, not sure how to phrase her question.

"Do I think what?"

"Do you think it was because I'm just not a good kisser? Or I'm not pretty enough? Or maybe-"

"You need to stop right there! You are beautiful, Spencer Hastings. Absolutely, drop-dead, without a doubt, stunningly beautiful. And, for the record, I may not have seen Toby's look this morning, but I see it all the time when you and I spend time together! He loves you, Spence! He loves you more than anything! He looks at you as if you're his freaking lifeline, and you're over here wondering if he thinks you're good enough? That's just stupid! Especially for a Hastings!" Out of breath, Hanna finally realized how long she had been holding all of that in. She wanted her friend back, totally healthy and happy. However, Spencer needed Toby to be completely happy, a part of the equation that was currently missing.

"Fine! I will text him! But if this goes wrong or makes him angry, it's on your conscience," the mocha-eyed girl growled, typing furiously.

_I'm staying at Hanna's for a little while; I thought you could use some space. I hope you're okay- don't hesitate to call if you're not. -Spence_

Hitting send, Spencer had to admit that she did feel a lot better. "There. I sent it. Are you happy now?" she inquired.

"Yes, yes I am. Now how about some ice cream and _The Notebook_?" Hanna asked with a knowing smile.

"I knew there was a reason I kept you around," Spencer giggled.

* * *

A knock at the door signaled that his company had arrived.

"Hey, Toby, are you okay? On the phone you seemed really upset…"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Well, I think I am. I just... I kissed Spencer and-"

"Hold on for just a second there- you did WHAT?"

"I think this requires more than us just standing here. Come on in, Em," Toby said, stepping aside to let his friend in. Walking in, the brunette wasn't about to let the current topic go that easily.

"How could you do this, Tobes?"

"Coffee?" he pleaded in an attempt to avoid the situation entirely.

"I'm not joking! We need to have a serious talk about this!" Emily said sternly, just as determined to stay on topic as Toby was to get off it.

"Tea? I know you have a soft spot for tea…" he trailed off, rummaging through the cabinets.

"TOBY!" Emily shouted, halting him. "How could you do this to her? After all she's been through? Hell, after all you've been through! I mean, honestly, I thought you were better than that, but I guess-"

"I know it looks bad, but I can't just deny my feelings for her, Emily!" Toby retorted, cutting her off, surprised to see her looking shocked.

"Feelings? As in, you have actual feelings for my best friend? I know I don't come around _that_ often, but really?"

"No, Emily, I just decided to make both of our lives worse by kissing her when we live in the same space and spend almost every waking moment together! Of course I love her-" as soon as it was out, he regretted it. It wasn't that he didn't love Spencer. It was that he was scared. Scared that she didn't love him back, scared that her friends who had now become just as much his friends would judge him, and scared that one of them would end up hurt.

"Well, if you love her, why am I here and not her?" Emily asked, patting the spot next to her on the couch where she had taken up residence.

"I messed up," he sighed, cradling his head in his hands. "I mean, I kissed her, and she looked like she was happy about it. And then I lost it. I ran. I haven't seen her that hurt since Wren- oh, God, I'm just like Wren!" he cried, throwing his hands in the air and beginning to pace furiously around the room. "I'm just ruining her life, adding insult to injury, kissing her when she's still in love with him-"

"Toby!" Emily cut in, knowing that he would very likely go on forever if she didn't stop him. "You are _nothing_ like Wren! And she is totally over him! Okay? So calm down!" Smiling as he took his place next to her once again, she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Deep breaths. Start from the beginning."

Sighing, the blue-eyed man knew his friend was right. "Well, I guess it all started when we both came to terms with what happened to Marie…"

"Spence, you really don't have to do our laundry. Though I am holding true to my reputation as a mess around the house, Caleb and I have been working on it," Hanna shouted up the stairs to where the brunette was currently on her third load. Heading into the kitchen to finish dinner, she smiled at her friend's response.

"It's a calming mechanism, Hanna. Let me be!" Spencer retorted as she started making her way down the stairs with a full basket. "Help me fold these if you want to be of any use. Besides, I know you two, and this whole 'neat and tidy' thing is going to last about as long as your dream to volunteer at an animal shelter for pocket dogs!" she laughed.

"Shut up!" Hanna retaliated. Hearing a resounding _thud_, the blonde laughed. "I told you that having sticks for arms would catch up to you one day! Now you've probably left clothes all over my stairs!" after several seconds of silence, she began to worry. "Spence?" she called, leaving the kitchen to see what was wrong. "Oh my God, Spencer!" Hanna shrieked as she saw her friend. "Caleb! Come on, we're going!"

"Going where? I thought I wasn't invited to the secret pajama party," he joked, coming out from his hiding spot upstairs.

"You weren't! And this isn't funny! We have to take Spencer to the hospital!" hearing his footsteps pick up in speed, Caleb came running around the corner.

"Why? Is she alright?"

"I don't know… She was coming downstairs and I heard a noise but I thought she had just dropped the basket and then I came out and she was down here and unconscious and oh God what if I waited just a little too long and she dies because I'm a horrible friend? What if-"

"Hanna! Shut up and let's go!" he commanded, throwing Spencer over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, heading out the door and towards the car.

* * *

"Wow," Emily exhaled as Toby finished his story. "So you've been feeling for her for a while now, huh?" she teased, a small sparkle twinkling in her brown eyes, causing Toby to blush.

"Yeah… I guess," he said sheepishly, his train of thought interrupted completely when Emily's phone went off.

_S.O.S. Spencer's in the hospital. -Hanna_

The brunette's face went white. She felt sick. Why was Spencer in the hospital? Had she tried to hurt herself?

"Emily?" Toby asked worriedly. "Is everything okay?"

"Spencer," she breathed, standing up. Everything felt almost robotic, as if someone was controlling her from the outside as she put on her boots and coat.

"Spencer?!" he inquired, his normally deep voice jumping two octaves. "Is she okay? Oh, God, was she in another car wreck? Because we can NOT have any more of those! Was it me? Did she leave town because of me?"

"No, she… She's in the hospital. I don't know why, but I'll find out."

"I'm going with you," Toby stated firmly, standing up and going over to put on his shoes.

"Tobes, are you sure?" she asked cautiously. "After everything that has just happened?"

"Now is as good a time as ever to beg for her forgiveness," he thought out loud. "Especially if she's drugged up on painkillers… I can get her to agree to it much easier then!" he joked, causing Emily to crack a smile.

"Alright, let's be on our way, then."

Driving to the hospital was hell. All Toby could think about was what he could've done to keep Spencer out of harms way, safe in his arms. He could've responded in a better way to their kiss, or maybe driven her to New York, or called her and told her to come home. He could've done anything.

Emily, seeming to pick up on his feelings, grabbed his hand and squeezed it, making him feel slightly better. "There's nothing you could've done, Tobes. Don't beat yourself up when it wasn't under your control."

"But I could have!" he yelled rather harshly, immediately wishing he could erase the look of hurt on his friend's face. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed. And I can't help but feel like I played some part in all this, you know?"

"Actually, I do know," Emily said softly, remembering how she and Maya had gotten into an argument of epic proportions right before her murder. She had never been able to shake the feeling that if she had been more accepting and willing to listen, the girl she loved would still be here, at her side, where she had always belonged. "And that feeling may never go away, Toby. But you have to learn to live with it," she stated shakily, feeling a solitary tear run down her cheek. Her mother had been right in a way- time did help. But wounds like that never healed.

"Hey, we can't both be disaster areas in there," he smiled knowingly. "So let's put on our game faces and hope that whatever this is will turn out however it's supposed to."

* * *

"You're kidding me, right? Spencer, you take good care of yourself! Why didn't you eat or drink anything today, and then do all our laundry?" Hanna yelled, causing her friend to shriek. "I am practically having a panic attack over that hideous hospital gown because you care too much about the freakin' Snuggle bear to feed yourself?" she asked furiously, causing Spencer to flinch.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"No! Not okay! You need to tell me when you're feeling like this, so I can put a goddamn feeding tube into your tiny excuse for a stomach!"

"I just… I couldn't. My mind was a little preoccupied, and I forgot."

"You forgot to feed yourself? You are a Hastings! Though your priorities may be a little out of whack, you guys and your doctorates should know better than to just stop eating! _ Especially_ you," Hanna said pointedly, making her friend feel even guiltier. Spencer knew that Hanna had always had a hard time with food. Before she could respond, a new voice was added to the mix- the voice that she had prayed for weeks had moved to somewhere far, far away and would never return.

"Spensuh?"

"Wren, what are you doing here?" Hanna shrieked.

"Han, it's… It's okay. Just give us a minute," Spencer said slowly.

"Spencer! No! You do not get to just get me out like this!" Hanna yelled.

"Actually, yes, she does," Wren interjected. "Patient's wishes come first," he explained with a smirk, causing Spencer to grin.

"I will be right outside. I am giving you five minutes." the blonde said fiercely, shooting daggers into both doctor and patient with her piercing blue eyes, setting a timer on her pink-cased iPhone before closing the door.

"Wren, what are you doing here?" Spencer asked quietly.

"I work here," he smiled, scooting his chair slightly closer.

"No, not _here_," she said exasperatedly, waving her hands around in large circles to demonstrate the hospital, "but _here_," she finished, making smaller circles.

"Well, I heard you were hurt, and wanted to check up on you," he rationalized, bracing himself for her wrath.

"Why?" she interrogated meekly, afraid to look him in the eye.

"Because, Spence, I still care about you. I miss you. I want you to give me another chance," he pleaded, taking her hand before she yanked it away.

"No," she said, her brown curls whipping around her head as she shook it furiously. "We broke up. You cheated on me!"

"Spencer, that was a mistake! I never meant to hurt you… I just missed you and she was here. It didn't mean anything. _You,_ on the other hand, meant _everything_. You still do." Though his speech was somewhat heartwarming and probably the sweetest thing he had ever said to her, Spencer still wasn't sure.

"Wren… How do I know that you won't just cheat again? How will I know that you mean it?"

"We can take things at whatever pace you like, whenever you like. Just, please, give me another chance," he begged.

_Well, Toby doesn't want you, so why not?_ one side of her argued, while the other was more accurate. _ You know he loves you, you just want to make him jealous. This is out of anger. Don't say yes. He broke you before, don't let him do it again._ However, neither side intended on going down without a fight. _ That's a ton of crap_, the more devilish side argued. _Toby ran from you. Go for it!_

"You get one date." Spencer deadpanned, going against her better judgement and surprising Wren with her answer. "Make it good," she smiled, pulling him in for a semi-awkward hug, Wren even kissing her on the cheek, causing her face to turn a deep shade of red.

_See, I told you, this is the right choice_, the devil on her shoulder smiled.

_Am I allowed to call bullshit? Because this is ridiculous…_

"Toby! What are you doing here?" Hanna jumped up, embracing both Emily and Toby.

"I came here to apologize to Spencer and tell her I love her," he smiled confidently, striding over to the door before Hanna blocked him.

"That's not a good idea!" she exclaimed, desperately trying to block the window, her eyes pleading with Emily's confused ones to intervene. Wren, she mouthed behind Toby's back, trying to get her to understand.

"Hey, Toby, how about some coffee?" Emily asked perkily, waving him over.

"Okay, what the hell is going on? You were all supportive of me coming here, and now you want me to walk away?"

"Toby, neither of us want you to get hurt, so please just walk away," Hanna begged, her moderate strength failing under Toby's muscles. _ Why in the world did I ever ditch gym class? Countless hours of detention for this?_ she thought to herself as she struggled to hold her position.

"Look, I can handle whatever it is. Just let. Me. Look." Looking over at Emily, who nodded, Hanna slowly slid out from underneath him and away from the small window.

"Okay… You asked for it…" she warned.

Looking in, Toby could feel his heart shattering into uncountable pieces and the tears start to run down his face. Inside was Spencer and Wren, hugging. And then, as if Wren could sense him watching, he kissed her on the cheek, causing her to blush slightly. He felt sick. Sick and broken.

"Toby…" Emily sighed, reaching out to comfort him.

"Totally over him, huh?" Toby asked dejectedly before walking away and into the night.


	9. They've Known It

**A/N: Hello, lovelies! I'm sorry for the delay, but the last week has been full of inspiration. In the last 10 days, I've started two new stories (one of which is already up) and started writing several songs. Also school sucks :) Anyway, I'd just really quickly like to thank you all again for your support :) If you'd like to stay up to date (and I don't blame you if you don't) I'm on Twitter as spobyaddict and Tweet random stuff on a regular basis! The rest of my social media links are in my profile :)**

HAPPY SPOBYVERSARY! (Even though it's technically 12:30 AM on the morning of the 7th, I'm counting it). 

**Chapter Nine: They've Known It**

Toby couldn't bring himself to believe what he had just witnessed. Spencer had, apparently, given Wren another chance. Personally, he liked to believe that it was a rebound from her mess with Alex. She had never really explained it to him, but something about the entire ordeal just felt wrong. The pair had seemed truly happy together, as much as he didn't like to admit it. Not knowing what to do, he ran. He ran as far and as fast as he could, ending up in New York before he even realized that he had been driving for hours in the pouring rain, his windshield wipers near extinction.

Subconsciously pulling into the building that he knew to be home to the now infamous Aria, he shut off the engine and raced to the buzzer, using the information Spencer had given him prior to her New York visit just in case anything happened to hit the button repeatedly until he was finally answered.

"Who is there?" Ezra's groggy voice demanded, obviously having been asleep.

"Toby," he replied, desperate for not only the emotional warmth that would be provided by his friend, but also the physical warmth provided by his friend's furnace.

"Toby? Toby Cavanaugh?" he questioned, his voice now alive with worry.

"No, of course not. The other Toby who would randomly show up at your house in the middle in the night," Toby retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Alright! I get it!" With that, Toby heard the satisfying click, ensuring that he could enter without getting arrested. Walking in, he immediately saw none other than Aria waiting for him, holding the door to their hallway. "Aria?" he asked, almost shocked to see her in the flesh after so long. She looked like she had aged twenty years since he saw her last. Which, thinking about it, could be said for Spencer. It was true for everyone who had known Marie.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," she smiled, waving him through to the long, dimly-lit hallway.

"You haven't joined the club yet?" he asked harshly.

"I've been gone, not dead," she laughed, even though it hurt to know that she had estranged herself from her friends that much.

"Might as well have been, the amount of contact you and Spencer have," Toby mumbled under his breath, not meaning for Aria to hear his snide remark. She did, but she chose not to comment.

"Well, come on in!" Aria smiled fakely, opening the door. "It's not much… But it's what we've got," she explained, shutting the door behind her. Looking around, Toby noticed how little space the pair had. There was a kitchen attached to the living room, which housed a simple futon and a small, outdated TV set. There was a makeshift dining room in the corner, which consisted of a small table and two chairs. Following Aria down the hallway, he noticed a nicely-sized bathroom on the left and a small bedroom directly across from it holding an air mattress and sleeping bag.

"For when Malcolm visits," the pixie explaining, noticing his eyebrow lift at the sight of another sleeping area. Seeing Toby's nod of understanding, Aria then gestured to the door at the end of the hallway, gripping the handle and opening the door. "This is just for storage and emergencies," she stated noncommittally, allowing the blue-eyed man to investigate for himself. Noting the blankets, pillows, flashlights, batteries, canned food, and other survival gear, he figured that they were intent on staying in their newfound home for the time being.

Re-entering the living area, he noticed both Aria and Ezra whispering, engaged in what seemed to be a heated debate. Unable to understand them, he cleared his throat, gaining their attention.

"Is everything okay?" He knew it was a dumb question, he knew it was about him, but there was always that glimmer of hope that they were fighting over what movie to watch and whether or not they wanted butter on their popcorn.  
"Toby…" Aria began, sighing. "You know Spencer; she's stubborn. And, even when I don't talk to her, she talks to me,"

"And your point is what, exactly?"

"Toby… Did you come here because you wanted to see us, or because Spencer's on a date?" Ezra inquired. "We know you two kissed, and you ran. And then suddenly, she's on a date? With him?"

Bowing his head, Toby sighed. "I came here because I was angry, at everything. I was angry at Spencer for going back to him after all this, and I was angry at you for leaving her. I figured that if you were there, in any way, even if it was just a text, you could've talked her out of it. And I was mad at myself, too. For letting her get away. But, about five minutes before I got here, I realized it was stupid. I mean, she's Spencer- nobody could've stopped her."

"So, in that case, why didn't you just turn around?" Aria asked, curious.

"Well, just because I realized I was wrong didn't mean I was wrong in coming here… I was curious. How you guys were doing, if you were planning on coming back…"

"I'm sorry, man, I really want to, but Aria isn't ready. And, as odd as it sounds, it's kind of nice out here- people not knowing much about you or your past, no judgement, no nothing. I want to enjoy it, for now," Ezra cut in, his eyes boring apologetically into his friend's.

"I get it, I really do. Seeing everything, so peaceful, is enticing me as well," Toby explained.

"Guys?" Aria asked, her voice shaky, so quiet that it was inaudible to the men across the room from her.

"Yeah, right?" Ezra breathed, gazing around himself in wonder. "It's not a mansion, but it certainly is much more of a home than anything like that would be,"

"I get it… Comfort is way more important than size," the blue-eyed man agreed.

"Guys…" Aria continued, her voice growing in strength as she stood up, her hazel eyes never leaving her phone screen.

"Finally!" Ezra cheered, still oblivious to Aria's state. "Someone who agrees with me!"

"So I'm guessing Aria wanted more than all the luxuries of this palace?" Toby sniggered, pictures of the two arguing over housing forming in his head.

"No, she wanted to-"

"GUYS!" Aria yelled, finally snapping.

"Sorry," Ezra retracted, his hands flailing up in surrender. "I didn't realize it meant that much to you," he said, looking over at his love for the first time. "Aria? Oh my God, are you okay?"

"Yeah… It's Spencer. Something happened with Wren," she stated, staring pointedly at Toby, who was already in the process of haphazardly throwing his shoes on.

"Something like what?"

"I can't say for sure… But she needs you," Aria smiled encouragingly, nodding as he practically flew out the door. Seeing his truck pull away, there was one last thing she needed to get out.

"She loves you."

* * *

_Hello, you've reached the phone of Spencer Hastings! I can't answer right now, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, I should be able to get back to you shortly._ Hearing the indicated beeping noise, Toby talked as he sped down the highway.

"Hey, Spence, it's me, I'm on my way, okay? Don't do anything stupid!" he shouted, hanging up. Considering calling again, he shook the idea off, knowing that hearing her voicemail again would just make him either giggle or cry, neither of which would be ideal. He remembered the first time he heard it- ACTUALLY heard it- and how he teased her for it being so "professional" for a personal phone, then taking it in the middle of the night and re-recording it.

_Yo, this is Toby, and this is the phone of the one, the only, Spencer Hastings, who will probably kill me for doing this. By the way, Spence, TOTALLY worth it. Leave us your digits! _

And, though Spencer had been slightly angry at herself for taking a week to figure it out, she actually found the whole scenario to be quite hilarious, giggling hysterically at his rather pathetic attempt at a more masculine voice. She had even threatened to leave it that way just to embarrass him, a threat which lasted all of five minutes. God, he loved her.

* * *

"Spencer?" Toby called out, not sure what to expect. "Spence?"

"In here," a voice whispered, a blond stepping out of the shadows.

"Hanna? What are you doing here?"

"Murdering kittens! What do you think I'm doing?" Hanna screamed quietly, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

"Sorry, stupid question," he admitted sheepishly. "I just thought Spencer was alone…"

"So she DID get my text!" she exclaimed triumphantly, her blue eyes becoming even brighter.

"Wait a minute- YOU sent that text?"

"Duh! Do you really think Spencer gives Aria, the girl who has broken her heart, minute-by-minute updates?"

"Yes, I did! Because it seemed even more ridiculous that her friend would do it for her!" Toby hissed, furious.

"Look, we can argue about this later, but right now what matters is that I got you here and she needs help," Hanna said, jerking her head back towards Spencer's room.

"I guess you're right," the blue-eyed man mumbled, slowly pushing open the door. "Spencer?" he asked softly, gently shaking her sleeping frame. He could tell from the trail of mascara down her angled cheeks that she had been crying. "Hey, Spence, wake up," he whispered.

"Mmmpphhhh," she groaned, causing Toby to grin. "Why the hell are you waking me up?" Rubbing her puffy, tear-stained eyes, she sat up gradually, finally glancing at Toby. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I missed you," he answered tearfully, embracing the beautiful brunette before him. "And it seems I came back at just the right time. Care to share what's going on?"

"Wren-"

"-Is an ass. Okay, go on," he smiled, causing Spencer to giggle.

"Well, I was getting ready to head out for dinner with him, so I texted him that I was going to be on my way. But, as I sent it, I noticed that I had a message history with his number, which didn't make sense- I had deleted everything after we split- but I shook it off. I was scared to see what we had talked about," she admitted, entertaining her sudden fascination with her thumbs. "So, anyway, we get to the restaurant- some really weird place- and he's really nice to me, which I didn't mind. It was just unexpected. But he was TOO nice, like he knew that I knew something was wrong."

"Okay… So what happened?"

"Anyway, I told him I had to go to the bathroom, but once I was out of his sight I checked. It turns out I had something missing from when I got hurt, a small chunk of time or something. But when I looked, I knew it immediately… Toby… He was the one that broke me and Alex up," she cried, leaning into him for support.

"Oh, Spencer," he sighed, kissing her affectionately on the top of the head. "What happened then?"

"Well, I came back, and I confronted him… Asking him if he knew about Alex, anything like that… But he lied to me. It wasn't until I told him that I actually had the message that he froze up."

"I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have to go through that," he whispered, on the verge of tears himself.

"No, no, it's fine," she sniffled, wiping her eyes. Noticing his warning glance, she smiled, trying to hide the pain. "Honestly, I should've expected as much," she said lightly. As Toby made a move to get up, she immediately latched onto him, giving the infamous puppy look.  
"Where are you going?"

"Out," he responded distantly, wriggling free of her grasp. Walking out, Spencer was soon on his tail.

"Toby, come back!" she pleaded.

"Spencer, I can't help you if you won't tell me how you actually feel," he replied despondently.

"I want to talk to you about what happened, but if I do are you just going to take off again? I'd heard the horror stories from Marie, and now I've lived it firsthand," she fired, ready for battle.

"I had some... thinking to do," Toby sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Well that's not good enough, okay?" she snapped, turning around to face him. "You could've called! You could've just sent me a text! 'Give me space'!"

"I know."

"Three words, and I would've been fine!"

"I know, okay? And I'm sorry!" he pleaded, still not winning over the girl in front of him, her brown locks a mess from waving around as she shook her head.

"You can't just disappear like that. Not anymore. Maybe things with Marie were different, and I'm sorry if this isn't what you want, but you can't. Not after what happened last time," she choked, feeling her throat start to close up and the tears start to form. "When I worry about someone getting a hold of you or hurting you, or worse… You know, I have a very real picture of what that looks like in my mind," Spencer cried.

"I was out of town, Spencer, not in Canada. Okay? And, when you needed someone, I was right here."

"Well not for me, you weren't!"

"When I used to feel like the walls were closing in, I'd take off," he admitted. "I'm not proud of it. I'd shut off every device I owned and drive for days without a second glance back. "But this time, I came back, I kept my phone on, I did everything. I did everything for you," he said quietly.

Walking over, Spencer took his hands, swinging them loosely between them. Wiping the tears off her face, she smiled.

"I love you,"

"What?" Toby asked, taken aback.

"I said that I love you," she declared, more confident with the repetition. "I love you, and I may be all broken but you're the only thing that keeps all my pieces glued together, and I'd be stupid to not see where this could go."

"I love you too," he smiled, stroking her face with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm a mess," he warned her, not wanting to put any more stress on the mocha-eyed girl.

"Please," Spencer scoffed. "They put my picture there in the dictionary," she giggled, her eyes dancing with his. "I love you," she whispered, bringing her face to his, kissing him softly.

Pulling back, his eyes shone brighter than ever before. "I love you too."

And, as they curled up on the couch in front of the fire, Hanna quickly snapped a photo and sent it to Emily, Toby's words about Aria still fresh on her mind.

_The lovebirds have FINALLY admitted it. I think they forgot I was here._

_-Hanna_

A few seconds later, she received a response:

_They've known it since the moment they met._

**So what'd you think? Yes? No? I'd really love your opinions!  
PLEASE check out my new story called ****_Blessing_****!**


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